Well, I managed to get myself into a really tough situation today.

A few days ago I finally perfected the shrinking potion I'd been working on for so many years. Of course, like any normal guy, I immediately began looking for some hungry babe to eat me.

For some reason I've been obsessing over two different women for the past week, Anna Kournakova and Catherine Bell (the hot lady lawyer on the JAG TV series). I'd love to be eaten by either of them so I figure 'What the hell', I'll send them both e-mails asking if they'd like to swallow me alive. I knew my chances were like one in a zillion that either of them would agree.

Anyway, I'm sitting here watching Rocky and Bullwinkle when a car pulls into my driveway. Then I hear my doorbell ring. When I open the door, who do I see standing there smiling at me but Anna Kournakova!! Needless to say, I nearly lost it on the spot.

Once I regained my powers of speech, I invited her in. Anyway, she said she was on her way to a Detroit Red Wings game to see her boyfriend Sergei Federov play. Since my place was right on the way, she thought it might be nice to stop by and eat me. I couldn't argue with her logic. She was in kind of a hurry, so I excused myself for a second while I fetched the shrinking potion from the kitchen.

I was just getting ready to down a shot when the doorbell rang again. When I open the door, who do you think was there? That's right Catherine Bell, and she was looking mighty hungry. It turned out that she was so excited by the idea that somebody wanted to be eaten by her that she'd hopped on the first flight out of Hollywood.

So there I was, alone in my living room with two beautiful women, and they both wanted to eat me. What's a guy to do?!?! I mean, how do you make a decision like that? I could tell they were getting impatient, so I asked them if they'd both open their mouths really wide so I could see down their throats and pick the one I liked best.

I looked into Anna's mouth first and nearly had a heart attack. If I'd already shrunk myself, I'd have dived down her throat on the spot. Then I looked into Catherine's mouth and my knees turned to jelly. The thing that really knocked me out was her tongue, it was absolutely perfect. It was a luscious pink, covered in teensy little taste buds, and coated with a thick layer of glistening saliva. She also had fat, juicy tonsils. That did it for me.

It was a tough choice, but I had to tell Anna that I was going to let Catherine eat me. Needless to say she was pissed, and went storming out the door mumbling a torrent of Russian expletives. I figured by her reaction that not too many guys had ever declined an invitation to be eaten by her before.

Anyway, Catherine was really excited that I had picked her. I quickly downed a big shot of shrink juice, and in a matter of minutes I was two inches tall. I took the liberty of shrinking my laptop computer too so that I could take it with me and post one last message from her stomach via my wireless internet connection.

She asked me if I was ready, picked me up in her hand, and popped me in her mouth. As I lay there face down with my head buried in her tongue, I decided to rub my hands across it's juicy surface. I couldn't believe how incredibly slippery everything was. Then she slowly tilted her head back and I began to slide toward her gaping throat. Once I'd passed her uvula, I looked down and saw her esophagus opening wide to accept me. Suddenly, she tilted her head all the way back and swallowed. In seconds, I was splashing down inside her stomach.

Now, as I sit here being slowly digested, I'm wondering what it would have been like to have been swallowed by Anna. Dang, it's too bad you can only do this once!! Oh well, I'd better hit the send button quick before I pass out. Gee, it's a shame I can't post the formula for the shrinking potion. Unfortunately, I left it sitting on my kitchen counter, and I can't remember all the ingredients off the top of my head. Bummer!!

Oh oh, the screen's starting to flicker, I'd better send this fast. Happy throat diving everybody!!