Gino finally surrendered to the relentless droning of his alarm clock's obnoxious buzzer. He'd already hit the snooze button a couple of times, but he knew he had to get up now or be late for work. He sat up in bed, stretched, and looked at the clock. Then, sudden panic set in at the realization that this was the first day of daylight savings time.

"Oh fuck," Gino exclaimed when it dawned on him that he'd forgotten to set his clock ahead the previous night, and that he was going to be late for work again. His boss had told him that if he was late one more time, his ass was toast.

Gino bolted from bed, cleaned himself up a little bit, put on his clothes, and rushed from his apartment to his car.

His tires squealed loudly as he roared out of the parking garage onto the street, narrowly missing a bunch of school kids on the sidewalk, and cutting off two other cars in his haste. Horns blared and the obligatory single digit salutes were exchanged as Gino sped recklessly down the road, oblivious to everything and everybody.

When he was a few blocks from work, a traffic light ahead of him had the audacity to turn yellow. Gino hated this particular light. It was at a busy intersection, it stayed red for nearly 2 minutes, and it seemed like he caught it every morning on the way to work. There was no way he was going to be snagged by it today. He was in a hurry.

Gino pushed the gas pedal to the floor and laid an immense patch of smoking rubber as he attempted to beat the light, to no avail. It turned red well before he'd reached the intersection. Gino was going way to fast now to possibly stop, so throwing all caution to the wind, he decided to take a chance and run the light.

He didn't immediately see the attractive, colorfully dressed black lady in the crosswalk, holding the hand of her little niece as they crossed the street. When he finally did see them, he blasted his horn and whizzed past them, missing them my a mere whisker. He almost t-boned another car that had already entered the intersection, running it off the road into a fire hydrant. As he looked in his rearview mirror at the trail of havoc he'd left behind him, he saw the woman he'd nearly run down staring at his car relentlessly, waving her arms. Even from a distance, her smoldering gaze was unsettling.

"Aw, fuck you lady," Gino mumbled to himself as sped down the street. "Next time, look both ways before you cross the street."

A few minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot of the place he worked and ran for the door. He prayed that his boss would understand why he was late. As he walked toward his desk, he was relieved to see that his boss wasn't sitting in his office watching people as they came in. The receptionist picked up on Gino's anxiety, and smiled at him.

"Relax Gino, the old man's going to be in late this morning. He forgot to set his clock ahead last night."

Gino breathed a huge sigh of relief at his good luck. He'd lost two other jobs because of chronic tardiness, and couldn't afford to lose this one.

He grabbed a quick cup of coffee, sat down at his desk, put on his headset, and made himself available to the robo-dialer. Before long, he heard the sound of a phone ringing. He took a quick look at his computer screen to see who he'd be talking to.

"Hello?" a frail voice answered.

"Hello, is this Mrs Jenkins?" Gino responded.

"Yes it is. who is this?"

"Mrs Jenkins, my name is Gino, and I'm happy to tell you that you've won the Irish Sweepstakes! Congratulations!!"

"The Irish Sweepstakes. Oh my. I don't recall entering that."

"Oh, you probably filled out a form for something else a while back, and they automatically entered you in the sweepstakes. It happens all the time. The good news is that your prize is almost 2 million dollars."

"Two million dollars? Goodness gracious. When will I get it?"

"Real soon Mrs Jenkins. There's just one teensy problem."

"What's that?"

"Well, officially Americans aren't supposed to play the Irish Sweepstakes, so they can't send you the money directly. However, we can set something up through one of our banking affiliates in the Grand Cayman Islands so that the money is sent to you indirectly through an intermediary. It's all perfectly legal, and you'd have your money in a few days. All we need from you is a small agent's fee up front for setting up the transaction."

"Fee? How much?"

"Just $10,000 Mrs Jenkins. As soon as we receive it from you, we'll contact the sweepstakes officials and tell them to release your winnings. Then, we'll wire the money straight to you."

"$10,000!! Oh my, where am I going to get that kind of money?"

"Mrs Jenkins, I'm sure you can find the money someplace. Borrow it if you have to. Remember, as soon as you send it to us, we'll be sending you $2 million."

"Well, I suppose I could take out a home equity loan. This all sounds too good to be true young man. Are you sure this is all legal?"

"Positive Mrs Jenkins. We do this all the time, trust me. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, don't let it pass you by."

"OK, how do I get the $10,000 to you."

"I'm going to give you an account number at our bank in the Grand Cayman Islands. All you have to do is have your bank wire the funds to us. As soon as we get it, we'll see that you get your winnings. If you get it to us today, you could have your money by tomorrow. It's that simple."

"OK, give me the account number!!"

Gino smiled as he relayed the account information to Mrs Jenkins. This was just too damn easy. It was like taking candy from a baby.

"All right Mrs Jenkins, you hurry on down to the bank and wire us the money as quick as you can. We'll get the ball rolling on our end with the Sweepstakes officials. You're going to be a very rich woman. Congratulations again!!"

"Bless you son, bless you!!"

"Happy to do it Mrs Jenkins. Bye now."

Gino leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on his desk. Fifteen minutes on the job and he'd already made himself a cool two grand, his split of the money he'd just scammed off of the old lady. Life was good.

His phone began ringing again. By the tone, he knew that it was an incoming call.

"That's odd," he thought to himself. He wasn't supposed to be able to receive incoming calls at his phone unless they were re-directed to him by one of the secretaries, and they were all over by the water fountain chatting. Equally weird was the fact that the caller wasn't unidentifiable by the company's state-of-the-art caller ID system. He'd never had an unidentified call come in before. He decided to pick up anyway.

"Hello," he answered tentatively.

"Hello darling, you be Gino?" the woman on the other end said with a thick Caribbean accent.

'Uh, yeah. Who's this."

"This be the lady you almost run over this morning, remember? You scare my little niece real bad Gino. She cry for a long time."

"What the ... Hey, how the hell did you get through to my phone lady?"

"Mama Bones has her ways Gino. She want to hear you say that you be real sorry for driving so bad and making her little niece cry. Say you're sorry Gino, make Mama Bones happy."

"Hey lady, next time be more careful before you enter the crosswalk. This is the city. Sometimes people gotta do what they gotta do to get where they're going, know what I mean? You're the one who ought to apologize to me for making me almost hit you."

There was a long silence on the other end of the line.

"Gino, you best apologize to Mama Bones. I not be giving you another chance. You apologize now boy or Mama Bones be forced to take more drastic action."

"Hey bitch, don't threaten me!! I got friends in the mob who'll mess you up. Capich? All I gotta do is give 'em a call and you'll wish you'd never been born. Now get over it lady and leave me alone."

"Don't go calling Mama Bones names boy or you be regretting it. This be your last chance to apologize. Mama Bones suggests you take it."

"Hey lady, BITE ME!!" Gino yelled as he abruptly disconnected the call.

"Hey Gino, you ok?" somebody said.

"Ah, I'm OK. I just got a crank call. Can you imagine that? Especially in this place."

"Yeah, that is kind of ironic. Probably a little karmic payback for all the times people had to come running from the john to answer YOUR calls."

Gino chuckled. Before long, his phone began ringing again. It was another incoming call. He looked at the computer screen for caller identification and, like before, it was blank.

"Fuck!!" he thought to himself, "I wonder if it's that crazy broad again."

"Hello, who is it?" he said in an aggravated tone.

"Mama Bones not going to bite you Gino, Mama Bones going to EAT you ... alive!!"

"What the hell!!" Gino exclaimed. "Hey, listen up you freaking nutcase ..."

"No Gino, YOU listen up. You better be getting your affairs in order real quick boy, because Mama Bones be calling on you tonight. I going to be putting you in my stomach and digesting you soon enough. Tomorrow, there be nothing left of you except a stain on Mama Bones toilet paper. You going to be real sorry for being so disrespectful."

"That does it bitch, I'm calling the cops!!"

"The police can't help you boy, nobody can. You belong to Mama Bones now, and tonight I be coming to eat you. You got no place to hide. Mama Bones is going to enjoy eating you. She be going to digest you real slow. Goodbye Gino. Have a nice day."

"Hey, don't hang up on me. HEY!!" Gino yelled, to no avail. The woman was gone.

Gino sat at his desk for a couple of minutes with a blank expression on his face. He tried to laugh Mama Bone's calls off, but couldn't. Something in her voice had been very unsettling. He couldn't get it out of his mind.

"Hey Gino, I ain't paying you to sit on your lazy ass daydreaming. GET TO WORK!!"

Gino turned around and saw his boss scowling at him from his office door.

"Right away boss, right away!!" Gino stammered. He took several more calls before the end of the day, but just couldn't seem to concentrate on anything and didn't make any more sales. All he could think about was going home, downing a few brews, and forgetting that the whole day had ever happened.

At 5:00 sharp, Gino was out the door. A few minutes later, he was in his car and was gone. A few blocks from his apartment, he began hearing a faint sound, like distant conga drums. He checked to see if his radio was on. It wasn't. The drumming sound kept getting slowly louder and louder, and was driving him nuts. He looked in his rear view mirror to see if maybe the noise was coming from the car behind him. He was startled to see the smiling face of a gorgeous black woman in vibrant colored clothing, and she was staring at him with huge brown eyes. Suddenly, she lunged at him with her mouth wide open. Her glistening throat filled the entire mirror as though it were about to engulf him. Gino screamed and slammed on his brakes, while at the same time ducking down in his seat. Behind him, he could hear the sound of screeching tires as cars braked to avoid hitting him.

"Hey asshole, what the fuck's your problem?" somebody yelled at him from another car.

Gino slowly sat back up and looked in the back seat. It was empty.

"Move that piece of shit before I move it for you," someone else yelled.

Gino instinctively flipped everybody off before slowly resuming his drive home. He had no idea what had just happened, but it had scared the crap out of him. He pulled into the subterranean garage attached to his apartment, parked his car, and hurriedly made his way to the elevator. The garage was kind of dark and creepy to begin with, but now the shadows seemed to be even more menacing than usual. The trip in the elevator to the 5th floor, where he lived, seemed to take forever. When the door opened, he ran down the hallway to his apartment. When he got there, he noticed that his door was ajar.

"Oh shit, I've been ripped off," he thought to himself as he slowly opened the door.

"Hey, is anybody in there. If there is, I'm kicking your ass!!" he said with false bravado.

He flipped on the light, looked around, and listened for any sounds. He didn't hear any. All his stuff appeared to be there. The only things he had of any value were his TV and stereo, and they appeared to be untouched. Then he noticed that the light was on in the bathroom. He slowly walked over, flung the door open, and looked inside. Nobody was there. He thought it was odd that a thief would be checking out his can. Maybe the guy just had to take a leak real bad. He was just about to walk out the door when something on the counter caught his eye. He reached over, picked up his hairbrush, and immediately noticed that it was clean as a whistle. It was usually full of hair, an unfortunate consequence of his rapidly receding hairline. He looked around some more and noticed that all the finger and toe nail clippings that were usually lying around were gone as well. Gino was definitely not a neat freak, and when his john was clean, he noticed it.

"What kinda fucking pervert would break into my place and steal my nail clippings and hair?" he muttered to himself as he turned off the bathroom light and wandered over to the refrigerator to grab a beer. "Sheesh, the world's full of weirdos."

He walked over to his front door, locked it, and activated the dead bolt. Then he wandered back into the living room and flipped on the tube. A couple of hours later, the weird happenings of the day were nothing but memories.

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In another part of town, a lady slowly untied the string wrapped around the top of the black velvet pouch she held in her hand. Then she turned the pouch upside down, spilling it's contents onto the surface of the table. She smiled.

"Ah yes, this be perfect," she said, rubbing her hands together. In front of her was a pile of nail clippings and hair. She then opened a drawer in the table, pulled out a dark mahogany box, and set it on the table in front of her.

"Mama Bones be making some big juju tonight," she said gleefully as she opened the box and removed a pair of silver scissors, some thread, and a piece of silky fabric.

Slowly, painstakingly, she cut the fabric into two equal size pieces, each of them in the shape of a man. Then she began stitching the pieces together until they were attached nearly all the way around. At that point, she began stuffing nail clippings and hair through the small opening that remained until the doll had plumped up nicely. When all the clippings and hair were inside, she finished stitching the doll and then sat back to admire her work.

"Very nice girl, very nice" she whispered with great satisfaction, holding the tiny doll up to her mouth.

"Ah little doll, Mama Bones got big plans for you tonight. BIG plans." she said as she began to light the myriad of candles that filled the room.

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Gino had begun to drift off to sleep in his recliner when he once again began to hear the sound of distant conga drums pounding out an almost hypnotic beat. He sat up in his chair and tried to identify the source of the sound, but it seemed to be coming from everywhere at once. Then the sound slowly subsided, and eventually everything was quiet again. Gino shuddered as his mind flashed back to the events of the afternoon when he had last heard the drums.

He looked at the clock and realized that it was time to go to bed.

"Well, I guess that crazy bitch isn't coming to eat me after all," he chuckled as he hopped into bed and turned out the lights. What a day. Tomorrow had to be better. Before long, he was sound asleep.

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Back at Mama Bones place, all the candles had been lit. She was now slowly rocking back and forth as she rhythmically mumbled verse upon verse of some well memorized Creole chant. In her hand was the doll she had made earlier. From her stereo was coming the sound of conga drums that kept gradually increasing in tempo and intensity until it began to reach a maddening frenzy. Suddenly, Mama Bones eyelids popped open and her eyeballs rolled around inside her head until nothing was visible but the whites. She tilted her head back and held the doll above her mouth.

"It be time Gino, time for Mama Bones to EAT YOU!!"

She slowly opened her mouth wide, dropped the doll inside, and snapped her jaws shut.

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Gino screamed as he awoke with a start. He tried to sit up, but his head banged against a hard, fleshy surface covered in some sort of wet slime. He felt around in the darkness and realized that he was lying on a soft, warm surface that undulated beneath him like a living water bed. It also was covered in copious quantities of the same viscous lubricant that covered the surface above his head. Everywhere was pitch darkness, though after a few seconds he began to see a very faint pink glow coming from his left and right. However, it wasn't enough to sufficiently illuminate his surroundings so he could see anything clearly.

"What the fuck's going on, where am I?" he yelled, as he began to realize that he was no longer in the comfy confines of his bedroom.

He rolled over onto his stomach and felt around. When he reached up, he felt a long, gelatinous object hanging down from the surface above him. He tried to grab ahold of it but found it impossible to grasp its unbelievably slippery surface. As he groped around in the darkness, he realized that the area ahead him appeared to slope downward to God only knew what. Every once in a while, he'd hear a gulping sound that began in the area directly ahead of him and seemed to vanish into the distant darkness. Whenever that happened, the surface beneath him rose and smashed him against the surface above.

Gino was both confused and terrified. He wondered if the lady he'd talked to that afternoon, Mama Bones, had anything to do with this. Then it suddenly dawned on him that if he were actually inside somebody's mouth, this is probably what it would feel like. If that was the case, than this had to just be some sort of horrible dream that his brain had concocted from the events of earlier that day.

"Ok Gino, you can wake up any time now. This is just a dream."

Nothing happened

"WAKE UP, DAMN IT!!" he yelled, becoming increasingly perturbed at his situation. He eventually rotated his body 180 degrees so that he was facing in the opposite direction. Then he began to slowly crawl forward along the slippery surface he was lying on until he bumped up against something that was rock-hard.

At that point, the rhythmic sound of conga drums began once again, slowly rising to a feverish crescendo that penetrated Gino to his very core with it's pounding beat. Just when he thought he was going to go mad from the sound, he noticed a tiny sliver of light beginning to appear in front of him. The rock hard surface had parted slightly, allowing him to reach his hand out toward the light and push it through the soft, fleshy opening it was coming from.

Suddenly, as the beat of the drums reached an impossible frenzy, the gap ahead of him opened wide, flooding his eyes with the most painful light he'd ever felt. When his eyes re-opened, he peered through the opening and shrieked in horror. He was looking into his bathroom mirror at an image of himself inside the mouth of the mysterious black woman he'd encountered earlier that day.

He tried to crawl out of her mouth and escape, but she quickly tilted her head back, causing him to begin sliding backwards along the slippery, saliva drenched surface of her tongue. He tried to grab her teeth, but it was too late. As he looked out her mouth, he realized that he was now looking up at the ceiling, and that his feet and legs had entered the dark pit of Mama Bones' throat.

Gino scratched and clawed at everything in sight, but couldn't gain a handhold on any of the glistening pink surfaces that surrounded him. Mama Bone's throat was slowly, inexorably sucking him down a fraction of an inch at a time. It was like trying to fight to keep from sinking into a pool of quicksand. The harder he fought, the more ground he lost. Eventually, only his head and arms remained outside of her esophagus.

At that point, Mama Bones began lowering her head until once again he could see her gaping mouth in the mirror, with his horrified face peering out from the back of her throat. Then she started to slowly close her mouth.

"Noooooo!!!!" Gino screamed, as Mama Bones stared gleefully at his terrified image in the mirror. Her lips kept getting closer and closer together and the light began to fade until eventually her lips met and everything was black once again.

All at once the beat of the drums stopped, the surface beneath his feet dropped out from beneath him, and he was totally enveloped by Mama Bones' juicy throat. He let out one final blood curdling shriek before he was swallowed ... ALIVE!!!. The trip to the bottom of Mama Bones' undulating gullet was mercifully brief, since his face was compressed tightly against the wall of her throat and he was unable to breath. In seconds, he oozed through a tight valve and dropped into the churning black hell of Mama Bones' stomach. He opened his mouth to try to catch a breath, and it was immediately filled with the partially digested gruel that had broken his fall.

"How you feeling down there boy. I bet you wish you'd have apologized when you had the chance. Then Mama Bones wouldn't have had to eat you. Now, it looks like you going to be Mama Bones' shit soon enough. I hope you like black beans and rice. Mama Bones had a big double helping before she ate you. That way you be staying in her stomach a little longer to ponder the error of your evil ways. You go ahead and eat some if you want. It help you keep up your strength. You going to need it."

Gino floundered around helplessly in the vile, chunky stew in which he was swimming. He was managing to keep his head out of the goo long enough to catch an occasional breath, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to fight the relentless undertow that was constantly trying to suck him down.

"Please let me go Mama Bones. I'm sorry I almost ran you and your niece down this afternoon. It'll never happen again, honest. I'll never drive like that again. Just give me another chance, PLEASE!!"

"Mama Bones don't think you deserve another chance Gino. Almost running people down, taking money from old ladies. Tsk, tsk. You been one naughty boy. I think maybe Mama Bones' stomach be the best place for someone like you."

"I'll give Mrs Jenkins her money back, honest!! I'll quit my job, I'll do anything you want. Just please don't digest me. I'm sorry for everything. Please let me out of here. PLEASE!!! I'm SORRY!!!!"

"You be really and truly sorry for almost running down Mama Bones?"

"YES!! I swear on a stack of bibles that I'm really sorry. Honest!!!"

Gino was suddenly pulled under and gulped yet another big mouthful of the nasty slurry that he was emersed in. This was it he thought to himself, as he prepared to be sucked into Mama Bones' intestines and slowly turned into shit.

The next thing he knew, he was thrashing around on the floor of his bedroom like a fish out of water. He was choking on something and coughed fiercely to clear his airway.

"Damn, it was just a bad dream after all," he muttered to himself. Then he looked at his arms and torso and realized that he appeared to be covered in some sort of gruesome slime.

He immediately leapt to his feet, ran into the bathroom, and turned on the light. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he dropped to his knees and began blubbering like a baby. Pieces of his skin were peeling away, and he was covered from head to toe in a disgusting mixture of what appeared to be mucous and partially digested food. He was also having trouble hearing out of his left ear. He stuck his finger into the ear and felt some sort of object. He kept poking away at it until it eventually dislodged and fell out. It was a black bean. Gino shuddered all over at the sight.

When he finally regained his senses, he jumped into the shower and spent nearly an hour letting the clean, refreshing spray cleanse his body of it's hideous coating.

He eventually got out of the shower, dried himself off, grabbed a beer, and sat down in his chair. He knew he wasn't going to be sleeping any more that night. He was startled when the phone rang. Who'd be calling him at this hour.

"Hello," he said in a worried tone.

"Hello Gino, you be all nice and cleaned up now?"

"Mama Bones!! I don't know how you did what you did, but thank you for not digesting me. You're not going to eat me again are you?"

"Not right away Gino. Just think of it as probation. As long as you keep the promises you made to Mama Bones, she let you stay out of her stomach. But, if you go back to doing bad things, Mama Bones be paying you another visit. You understand boy?"

"Yes Ma'am. Absolutely," Gino said thankfully.

"Good. Mama Bones going to be keeping her eye on you Gino, so you better behave. And, you best be remembering one very important thing."

"What's that?"

"DON'T BE PISSING OFF MAMA BONES NO MORE OR SHE GOING TO EAT YOU ... PERMANENTLY!!!"